what it feels like.

Do you ever wonder what it feels like to have a panic attack? Is it just the nerves you feel the morning of your exams, I wish.

Its like…

A wave coming over me trying to drown me yet I know how to swim but cannot save myself. I know that the wave will pass but my body has forgotten that and decided to freeze. I know how to swim yet the wave threatens me and stops me from saving myself. The wave brainwashes me to believing there is no way to escape. I’m trapped. Yet little do I know I’m trapped in my thoughts.

To you it looks like nothings happening, to you I look fine but I am not fine.

The wave of fear making my heart pound so fast convincing me i’m having a heart attack.

The wave attacks me at any time with no notice.

The wave makes me hyperventilate, my body begins to shake, I can’t defeat this wave.

The wave seems so big that its too hard to escape. Everyone around me keeps reminding me to stay still as the wave will pass yet all I hear is my heartbeat and all I feel is my jelly-like legs. Everyone around me is fake why are they even talking to me, they don’t understand how big and scary this wave is only to find out it looks tiny from their perception.

At times the wave tries to attack me in my sleep as a nightmare and I wake up in shock shaking unable to sleep and I run to my mother like a little child.

At times I feel a wave dragging my legs from my body while I’m trying to shop so I hold on as I feel like I’m about to fall. No one else feels the wave.

The wave enters my head and my mind begins to flood with thoughts, ‘HELP ME’ I scream, yet I don’t listen to your help because my heart is racing too fast.

I begin to cry, I know I’ve overcome this wave before but it’s too hard now. Everyone tries to calm me down only making my mind feel like its about to explode but trust me…

I appreciate every little thing you say.

I appreaciate every little thing you do

All the tears that rolled out of your eyes for me I appreaciate it and I will never be able to thank you for your patience.

All the sleepless nights you lived because you had to talk me out of my thoughts, I appreciate it. 

Thank you to my amazing parents, I love you, thank you for helping me escape this wave. 


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