apparently I was afraid

This blog post is a continuation from https://zainaspeaks.wordpress.com/2017/07/18/change/ so I suggest reading that before you read this!

After my first appointment with my therapist which was after a terrible experience I had  in the hospital for months I was told I had to be put on medication. But guess what?

I hate medication, medicine is my biggest enemy, yet its one of the things that helps a lot of people to survive. 

I was never able to swallow tablets i thought it was impossible. Little did I know it was fear stopping me from swallowing these tablets. I was afraid I’d choke and die from tablets. 

Another thing I was afraid about was the side effects the medicine had. So before taking any medicine i’d read the side affects, take the medicine and think I had them all. Terrible, i know.

I refused to take medication for so long because I was afraid, I wanted to battle anxiety by itself yet 2 panic attacks a day was exhausting! My parents would force me to take it yet i would force it back up again! I hated the idea of something that will make me act different to who I actually am. But guess what, it doesn’t, it jusy calmed me down. 

The thing that bothered me the most was that I had exams in weeks. I had to take medicine that i’ve never taken before a few weeks before my exam. To me it’s frightening yet to you it may be totally fine. However, I realised that health was more important than grades and that I had to look after myself to be able to actually sit exams!

It was so difficult finding the correct medicine, its like trial and error, you have to see which one suits your body, what time you should take it etc. I had to try 3 different types of medication to find the right one and I still get minor side effects. 

So I took them while studying and it was a bit of a mess. I would take it in the morning but the side effect would be drowsiness so it would put me to sleep for the rest of the day but I had an exam the next day #stress?
Or I would take it at night and it would make me so sensitive that I would overthink like mad and won’t be able to sleep… won’t be able to go to school, and studying becomes harder than it is for you.

It took me a while to post this, it was meant to be straight after the link above. Recently many people have been asking me about how I reacted to medication so I thought I’d share it.
Keep your questions coming 🙂

Zaina X

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