Oh I wish it was over after my panic attack, you think its over because I try to act normal again but the war in my head increases.
The first time I heard of this term ‘panic attack’ I was told it happens for attention, until it entered my life I realised its nowhere near attention. You do things for attention when its fun, but trust me this is on the other end of fun. There are pre-panic attack thoughts, the actual panic attack, and the post-panic attack ‘aftershock’. Horrible.
During a panic attack i become more emotionally unstable which does not fix when the panic attack ends.
I become psychologically drained, if only you knew what came into my head in the split second my panic attack started, if only you knew how much I feared that thought and how much that thought drained me.
I become physically drained… for a day or two. I wake up the next day with my muscles aching me, with a headache and I would love to lay in my bed the whole day. My body can’t bring itself up, it doesn’t have the energy to. All my energy was taken out during my panic attack.
I become tense, and this is one of the things I get so embarrassed about. For a day or two again I become so tense and by this I mean the sound of a pin drop can sound like an explosion and make me jump. Its embarrassing because when someone unexpectedly talks to me I jump out of fear and they say sorry but seem so confused. I can’t stress how much this affects me, its uncontrollable, I just jump out of fear without control and I just can’t explain that to people when a door opening makes me jump.
I feel lost, a stranger to reality, I don’t know where I am. I feel fake or maybe everyone around me is fake. They feel real but my brain doesn’t register them as real.
Its all a bit of a mess but I cant wait to get out of it, its exhausting, the whole process of the symptoms before / during / after the panic attack.