How can I trust myself, if I lie to myself…
I tell myself that I am 100% sure that the wall is going to fall on me in 5 seconds.
I then tell myself thats it’s all in my head and it’s my brain tricking me.
Then i’m reminded that the wall is going to fall on me.
And then again I tell myself it’s not true.
But how do I know it’s not true? How can I trust myself saying it’s not true? Does that mean I lie to myself? Does that mean I should’t trust myself.
What if ‘it’s all in your head’ is a lie and the wall will actually fall on my head.
My tremors and daunting thoughts begin.
These thoughts begin to come in when life is going well and i’m thinking to myself, life shouldn’t be going well, something bad HAS to happen. So it’s a trap? The good becomes the bad. The fact that nothing bad is happening means something SO bad will happen. I spend the rest of my life in fear and sadness waiting for that thing to happen. I stay lying in bed, it almost feels impossible to move.
I don’t know what to believe.
My thoughts are running around my head trying to catch out the truth but it almost seems impossible.
What am I meant to do.
Everything is looking fake,
My legs can’t hold me anymore,
I can’t breathe,
My heart won’t stop beating fast.
It is so hard to reassure myself my thoughts are lies.
What if my reassurance is a lie.