HAPPY WORLD MENTAL HEALTH DAY!
I am so happy that mental health is becoming something normal to talk about, I am so happy it’s slowly becoming recognised in cultures that ignored it for all this time.
Before I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder, I never understood what it was. I didn’t know anything about mental health or even value it. I hate the fact that I didn’t know what it was. That is what makes me do what I do.
Think about this, 1 in 4 people suffer from a mental health problem, this can come in any shape/form and in any level – so none of us are alone. If you ever feel like you’re the only one suffering, just remember 1 in 4 people understand you.
It’s not easy, but I just want to give you an idea of how important it is to seek help once you get those gut feelings that maybe you should tell someone.
Growing up I suffered from really bad social anxiety, I didn’t speak to ANYONE, if I ever talked it was like ‘woah Zaina spoke,’ ironic I know. Anyway we’ll leave that topic for another blogpost.
So… I left my social anxiety to accumulate because I didn’t want to speak about it. I then silently suffered with adjustment disorder and so my brain basically exploded.
I had left it too long without speaking up and medication was my only option because it was really BAD.
I wrote this a while back:
‘my pill, 7pm daily, it has to be taken.
I have to live with daily arguments of ‘mama do I really have to take it today, can’t I have a day off.’ Or theres days when I decide to lie to myself and purposefully ‘forget’ to take it and then regret it so bad.’
It has been four months since I last took antidepressants, this could seem like something minor to you but you don’t understand how proud I am of it.
My message to you is if you do feel like you’re suffering with something minor then please seek help, there’s no shame in it! You might just need a couple of therapy sessions to fix the problem. In comparison to leaving it too late and needing medication.
This time last two years ago I wasn’t diagnosed with anxiety and panic disorder. I also wasn’t confident, I didn’t know who I was, I was ashamed to do my own things. I also didn’t even know mental health day existed. Here I am, today, so thankful that today I am more aware about it. And this is where I say ‘everything happens for a reason.’ At times, I hate even thinking about this word ‘anxiety,’ then I remember how it matured me, made me stronger, independent, responsible and more aware.
My anxiety does not upset me...
What upsets me is that I have to justify myself to people:
‘Why do you look tired’
‘Why are you shaking’
‘I feel like you never look happy’
‘Why do you have no energy’
‘I thought you said you were going to come’
Now I don’t want to spend this talking about mental health as you can read my other posts about it but I just wanted to say…
Thank you for reading my blog posts, it means so much to me.
To my family that had to witness my panic attacks helplessly and try to drive me out of my thoughts… I will never be able to repay you.
To my father that witnessed me during my weakest moments on the floor pleading for his help. He couldn’t to anything but cry…
To my mother, the best therapist I have, who had sleepless nights for months because I was scared of my thoughts…
To my little sister, my little angel, I apologize for what you’ve seen at such a young age, all the times I watched you close your eyes because I scared you, because I was shaking out of control and I couldn’t control my actions.
I am sorry, grateful, thankful and speechless.
To everyone that supports me and read my blogs, thank you.
Thank you for wanting to understand what people like me go through.
Thank you for checking up on me.
Thank you for not running away from me like many others.
To the people that can relate to me, I wish from today it only becomes easier for you and you don’t reach the point when it effects you physically.
Let us take today as an opportunity to educate ourselves more and be more confident about what we go through.
Having a mental health problem is normal, let us embrace it and work together to help each other!
Thanks for reading!